When I was a little girl, I would hop up onto my comfy window seat in my room and have conversations with Jesus. I would tell Him about my day, ask Him the big questions I knew my mom or dad didn’t know the answers to. “Why is the sky blue? Why did God choose the colors He did? What is heaven like? Can you send me a postcard of it? ”
Having Jesus by my side as a six year old was like breathing or blinking. So easy, I didn’t even think twice about it. Or question it. He was just always there. Sure, I couldn’t see Him, but there was a comfort; a knowing. I had a friend with me through every skinned knee, every sprint to the school bus stop, every deep thought as I played in my sandbox or sat snuggled up on that window seat. When we are little, so much of our young lives are made up of big reflective questions, dreams for our future “grownup” selves, and much of the the time, just the act of play, or “being”. We aren’t worried that we may offend someone, we aren’t afraid to learn more about life. We hold a creative curiosity that begs to be explored and in that, I believe so many answers to life’s questions are right there, in just that. In the curiosity.
I commissioned the building of this cross this summer, after this past year’s journey of “into your hands I commit my spirit.” These were the final words Jesus spoke on the cross before He died. Little did I know, these words that were repeating in my mind in the beginning of 2018 were preparing me for a season of loss in our lives. As we lost pets, loved ones and family members last year, I pushed myself to face the difficult moments head on, no matter how painful because I knew there were lessons through the tears. The heart ache. Growth was happening. New direction. And from death comes new life.
Sometimes, I look back at the little girl sitting on the window seat nook and think- of all the things I could share with her to encourage her through all the twists and turns her little heart could never possibly imagine facing. The heartaches of losing friends, losing family members, losses of marriages, loss of homes, a failed business and working through family issues and dysfunction to have a healthier life forward. There’s one thing I would share above all else. “Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow.”
We all make mistakes. Screw up. Intentionally. Unintentionally. The word SIN is not a dirty, nasty word. It simply means to miss the mark in Greek and Hebrew. So if that’s the meaning, then we all sin. And sometimes because of that, we feel it. We feel down, depressed, anxious. (Maybe, just maybe, mental health is not only a mental issue, but a spiritual one, since we are a wholistic being; made of body, mind and spirit. Food for thought.) Sometimes we feel down, not from us missing the mark, but because others in our lives miss the mark. And we can also feel down from life circumstances that come our way.
This is why there is brokenness in this world. There is a sense of a yearning for better, for change, for justice. Political, social justice groups, teens, adults, even kids ache for better days, better social climates. There is a yearning in all of us to want things to be better, repaired, more healed, am I right?
There are only two things I have experienced that bring about better change for all of us. The first, is for the one who missed the mark to express their regret for the error and to turn away from the thing that is causing the anguish, and step in the direction of good. Call it positive change, repentance, or therapeutic steps forward, you decide.
For me- it took two failed marriages to realize I had some baggage to sort through. Some therapy to help heal some things. Some disfunction to address so my life would have a better future. Some ways I had missed the mark, some ways others close to me had missed the mark.
So, if others miss the mark, that is where the second catalyst for change happens: through grace for them. Grace: enabling power and a spiritual healing. The most amazing story I’ve heard of creating spiritual healing is that of Jesus. He laid down his life. He was whipped, beaten, crowned with thorns, mocked and then put up on a cross to die. And in the end, He said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He gave everything he had, and gave His personal power away so that humanity then and today can find a whole new healed life. Through death comes new life. Regeneration. Restoration. And we, as believers, have faith that He rose on the third day of death and is alive and well in heaven with God. We believe death could not hold Him.
We all carry around brokenness either by our own doing or by others’ doing. And sometimes, it’s not things that are missing the mark, but circumstances in which we live through that damage us. Some may hurt so bad it feels irreparable. But even if it doesn’t feel like it, grace and healing can be done. It took me over 30 years to face and heal from damage in my childhood and life. I am still that sweet little girl sitting on the window seat talking to Jesus, just a little older, hopefully wiser and definitely more seasoned.
I commissioned this cross for a reminder to have here at the Ranch. For healing. For a wellness for my soul. As a visual reminder that my life has been restored. Made new and whole from the healing that was so needed. There are days I still miss the mark. But I know the One who has gone before me. The one who’s arms were wide open on the cross, as the heavens were opened to Him. The One who joined my heart on the window seat 2,000 some years later as I asked him questions about life, love, and heaven.
There are many mysteries that I don’t have room to answer here, but I know the One who has the answers. Talk to Him. He will meet you right where you are at. And you are always welcome to come visit the cross.❤️